She's Been with Me All the Time
By Diana Paque
Certified Life Between Lives® Hypnotherapist, USA
Joyce came to me with the intention of exploring her life as a healer. She has been a nurse for many years with a strong spiritual practice, and in recent years she has been working with hospice clients, supporting many as they transitioned. She has always felt blessed to be present for these passings, knowing she was playing a supportive role for the person and those they were leaving behind. Joyce is also grieving the continuing loss of her sister Rose to dementia who has recently entered an assisted living facility.
Much of her adult life, Joyce has been on a quest to find the truth about Mary Magdalene, the Cathars and the wisdom of related groups and sects. Now, Joyce has decided that she needs to discover what is next on her healing path and who is supporting her in her journey in this lifetime. She was married twice, and has children from the first marriage, but now at age 76, she is alone and unrestricted in ability to choose for herself. But it’s lonely.
Joyce’s first past life took her into a very ordinary life with a husband and children in which she spent her life being of service to others with little attention to herself. She learned that her mother in that life is her current mother, and she recognized that they have spent many lifetimes together.
As we started preparing for her immediate past life and journey between lives, she expressed her fear at encountering something that she perceived as horrible and horrific. When I pressed her, she was afraid of being in the Nazi death camps as she has a strong identity in this life with her Jewish heritage. I told her about several clients who had experienced this and how she will always be able to choose what she experiences and that I would help her do this. She became more relaxed and hopeful following this conversation.
I took her into a deep state of relaxation and up into the clouds where she encountered the beautiful rainbow bridge leading to all of her past lives. As she floated over the bridge, she began to identify that she felt very heavy and different. When I asked if she were a male or a female, she was very surprised to find that she was a man, very tall and lanky. And the more she saw of him, she began to recognize him as Paul, who was a friend of Joyce’s father, Bob. Joyce had known Paul and his wife Mary, although Paul had died when she was about 8.
We regressed back to childhood in California, and as he grew, he became a football player for his local high school team. He was very popular and handsome, with reddish blond curls and a happy playful demeanor. Paul and Bob (Joyce’s father) were best friends all the way through school, and were inseparable until Paul decided that it was time for him to enlist. He was so proud to be in an army uniform, feeling invincible at 18, and heading off to war to save the world from the Nazis. His mother was devastated by his leaving, and his brothers were there egging him on, keeping his spirits high.
Paul next found himself in 1944 surrounded by his platoon waiting for an offensive to begin. He could feel the fear and the adrenalin pounding through every thread of his being. And then the screaming began as fighting overtook him. Joyce was screaming as death and wounding occurred around Paul, lying there helpless as he was badly injured and not knowing if he would survive. And when he awoke, he found he was in hospital. Joyce’s face illuminated as he recognized the nurse who was there with him – Mary – the love of his life who would become his wife.
Paul: She heals my body and my soul, and I’d do anything for her. And the priest is now here: I confess my sins to him, and I have my Mary now, and we are together. The priest united us in so many ways. Joyce knew this woman, but I’m Paul right now.
DP (LBL Facilitator): He cleared your way and helped you clear your way so you could be together. Tell me about your life as you come back home.
Paul: Mary and I get married stateside. We have 5 children and it’s a good life. Mary is very busy with the babies. At the end of my life, I have a heart attack at 47. It was massive.
And as Paul goes home, he is sad to leave Mary and he sees her as his light. Paul thanks Mary for everything. The guides now support his transition into the light as he weeps with loss of Mary. It’s so hard to leave her.
Reluctantly he follows his guides into the light, removing the pain that went with the heart attack.
Joyce: I feel like I’m a hologram. She cries as she encounters others but doesn’t know at all who they are. It’s so beautiful! She relaxes into connection, breathing and seeing the lotus, she exclaims: I feel carried.
Joyce: Was I enough as Paul? Did I do as I was supposed to do?
DP: What is your guide telling you?
Joyce: They’re slowly nodding their heads. They’re transparent; they don’t feel as if they are human – none have human form. Energy without image, nothing defined: transparent. Incredible energy! It’s the same energy as is inside of me!
DP: Just connect with it, this is your soul energy.
She gasps, as she feels her soul energy coursing through her.
Joyce: Hello! Who are you? Sieben my guide, has male energy. The beings are mixed without gender but feel male at the moment.
DP: How can they help you finish Paul’s life and his journey, lessons, accomplishments?
Joyce, now coming back into Paul: I learned that war is hell. And somehow, I was supposed to meet Mary – I couldn’t have known her without war. I had to know hell before I could be with Mary. I don’t know why that had to happen, but I must have chosen that.
DP: What else did you choose?
Joyce: Pain and Joy – My friend Bob – we did great things as friends, I had lots of joy in relationships. Mary has been with me, she is pure light.
DP: And in this life as Joyce, who is your soulmate?
Joyce: I knew Mary as Paul’s Mary – she was a magnet – this sweet goodness that she was. Joyce knew her and had her in her life as well. We called her St Mary – she died only a few years ago.
Joyce began to talk to Mary: You’re in me! What a blessing! This is amazing, you’re here in me. You are primary, you are the healer in me!! She is smiling back at me! Joyce starts to cry as she is so grateful of her love and support.
Joyce: Mary is my soulmate! But there is this underlying current that says I don’t deserve this.
DP: Ask Sieben about this.
Joyce: It’s your old self-doubt.
DP: Can he help you release this?
Joyce: Yes. (She asks him to heal it and release it) My job in this this life is to release this! I’ve been praying and praying for this!!! Sieben embraces me, she sobs. Oh my god, I’ve never known love like this! You will always be with me. You need to counsel me, I ask of you, she says to Sieben. We laugh now in joyful connection.
DP suggested inviting her Council to join Sieben and Joyce to support her in greater understanding.
DP: How do they manifest?
Joyce: Still energy, smiling laughing, engaging in joy. It is the essential love I have craved all my life and through many lives.
She asks her Council to support and clear her self-doubt, receiving loving healing.
Joyce: They join together, and they all come into my body: we are all one. One of them is stroking my chest. I ask if they can work on my back pain and all other pains.
She gasps as they start to heal her old wounds, her old pains, weeping.
Joyce: It’s like they pulled out the plug and it drained out. This is kinda unbelievable – hard to trust but going with it. They’re laughing as I go through the doubt. Go back into the love, Joyce, because you got it. Don’t ever go away again! Without the self-doubt I can do the healing work I am here to do.
Deepening my meditations will support greater connection and will help me remember Mary as a support. Meditate and I will find the answers.
What about my heart? It was doing weird stuff last night. They’re saying stay in the meditation! Make space for all of my soul energy. Practice and you will get better and better.
I suggest she captures her soul feelings in her human body.
Joyce: My god, I’m like them! We are all the same! We are all part of the light!
DP: So the healing capacity of the light is yours.
Joyce: And I need to stay here and not go back to the body without this part of me.
DP: What can help Joyce stay in this healing energy?
Joyce: I don’t know how to live on the earth in my body and be a holographic healer.
DP: Explain that to her.
Joyce: It’s the sensation of feeling. It’s coming up from my feet filling me. Filled now.
DP: Remember it so you know it in your body.
She asks her Council to help her remember, and they smile. Mary is in the center of it all, smiling, lovingly.
Joyce: Mary is my heart! she whispers. Mary’s deeply white while the guides are not so solid. She is much denser; she is my soulmate. Mary, you’ve been beating there all along! I know you are here with me, and I know my work now.
DP: And what about speaking in tongues? What can they tell you about this?
Joyce: It’s a language from an old life. It is here in Joyce’s life as an old comfort; she used to suck her thumb, but the language took over when she grew up – it’s ancient way of personal comfort – but I don’t need it anymore. It’s a choice to use it or not, because I have the real stuff now – Mary!! Mary!! You were the feminine I was looking for all along! I’ve been looking for this for years – so many spiritual incarnations – I knew in myself that it was me that I was looking for, but I was also looking for a form of Mary in all of my work.
DP: What does this do with all the work in Joyce’s life?
Joyce: It’s epiphanal – I can let it all drain away because I have the real stuff. I can let all that energy be repurposed to healing, releasing it from my searching endeavors. I’m going to keep trusting in you Mary, looking for you, girl! Eternal light. There’s a song I sing about eternal light. (that she then sings)
Joyce practices working the energetic flow, but it stays very strong in her feet and legs, and hands
Joyce: My body is starving for this energy.
DP: What can help Joyce as she continues in this current live as she seeks to be of service in this life?
Joyce: Stay on the path I’m on. Keep following the path; it will guide you. It will take you where you need to go. Trust. No doubt. It’s always here. My physical heart is doing strange things
DP: Relax and let your heart open to this energy, your heart chakra to open and receive love.
Joyce: My heart is skipping beats – You need a new rhythm girl – that’s better, it’s not so heavy. There’s more healing that’s happening. I feel like there are hands massaging my hands and my head – I’m on my right side and I’m watching me – my soul can go in and out. Feels so good now in my head! I’m whole and healed I’m loved. I am love. I feel like I’m floating. They tell me that I am love. Kinda like floating around in the uterus – the air around me is alive – goes through me- I am of it. My feet are tingling like crazy.
DP: Is there is something they explain about your feet?
Joyce: You are right where you need to be, rooted in the right place. Ground here.
Now the tingling is in my hands and it makes me want to touch someone – it does come through my hands – a reminder of my gift. I never knew it had any impact on anyone – healing comes in all forms – not just physical – an unconditional gift- but it has always been curious to me if people receive it or block it.
I ask about her journey with her sister.
Joyce: I feel I have a way of touching her now through her heart. I knew I got in her heart, and she cried. When I see her again, there will be a knowing of this connection. Even though the mind is crazy, this is still in the body. That’s incredible – I can touch and mingle with that part of her – share that love and she will be able to feel it.
DP: What help can Joyce have as she grieves the loss of her sister?
Joyce: See her as often as you can – you don’t even have to be there – you can connect with her, even if you don’t visit all the time – connect anytime.
She connects with her sister’s energy now.
Joyce: It doesn’t need my physical body – I can connect with her and be in her body. She connects and goes inside her sister and loves her. What a gift! I’m a floating apparition, that’s the word! There’s a part of me that’s ready to come back and part of me that wants to stay.
I remind her she can always connect easily with this soul space, as she feels the soul state she is now in.
Joyce: This is my real family – the love that surrounds me that I have been seeking, I can be this. May this light that is Mary in me shine into the world.
Her guides tell her that she had to learn this on her own so she could remember her connections and supports.
Joyce: This was the big lesson of this lifetime – I know the truth, and my feet are on fire. Be fully present on the earth, and it’s ok to release it into the earth and be a conduit of it to give to the earth. We are conduits – the more you share the more you are. And Mary is always there with me. When you connect to it and share it with the world, you become this, raising the vibration of the earth.
Joyce was elated as she came back into the room. She had found that she had a soulmate throughout most of her life and was grateful to know now that she was still with her in her heart.
I heard from Joyce recently who said that she is still absorbing all that we experienced… “I am so gratified knowing that through our work, I’ve found the love that I always yearned for.” ♥
Diana Paque is an LBL Facilitator in the San Francisco Bay Area, CA, USA and online worldwide