Compassion for Self
by Suzanne Campbell, Certified LBL Hypnotherapist
California, USA
It had been almost a year since the death of her twenty seven year-old son when Gail called to inquire about LBL therapy. Her voice was flat on the phone and trailed off weakly at the end of her sentences. She was depressed, grief-stricken and overcome with feelings of guilt. She expressed impatience with herself in not “getting over” her loss and still feeling that her world was spinning out of control. Despite these feelings, she was competently maintaining her responsibilities in raising her fourteen year-old son, while traveling internationally in her demanding position as a senior executive in a prominent financial firm. She sounded intelligent, capable and worldly.
Gail had divorced after a thirty-year marriage in which she felt abused. She expressed regret in not divorcing many years sooner and spending so much time and energy in an abusive relationship.
She talked about having read the Michael Newton books years ago, but now expressed doubt as to believing in an afterlife at all. Desperate to connect with her deceased son, nicknamed Bo, she had consulted with several psychics and mediums and concluded that they were all frauds. She didn’t believe in channeling, feeling that it’s a hoax perpetrated by charlatans. However, she had experienced several past-life regressions within recent years, prior to Bo’s death, and felt strongly that those experiences were valid.
In one of her past lives, she experienced herself as an accomplished jouster who died in battle. She attributed her “crooked ribs” (in her current body) to this experience. She was able to identify the opponent who killed her in battle as her ex-husband Peter in her current life.
In another past life, she experienced herself as a single mother in Ireland during a famine in the 1700’s. While she had three children including an infant, she gave all the available food to her five-year old child, depriving herself and the other children of any sustenance. She reasoned that only the five-year old would survive the rampant plague which afflicted them. True to her prediction, they all died except for the five year-old. Through this experience she had a clear understanding about the significant consequences of the choices she made.
On the day of her session, she arrived late and disheveled. Saying that her GPS had her “going in circles” she entered my office frustrated, irritated and angry. On her intake form, she mentioned that she’d been having suicidal thoughts. After I took her through a brief stability exercise to calm and ground her, she began to open up about her son who had passed and the events leading up to his death. Her son, Bo, had been in and out of rehab battling drug addiction for several years. He had a history of depression and had talked of suicide.
Gail described her anguish in being pulled by the demands of her job, while re-locating to another state and researching rehabilitation centers for her son. He was not doing well and she felt that, if she could just get him into the right program, that there would be help for him. But due to a number of life demands and other factors, she ended up choosing a rehabilitation center which required him to stop his medication and go cold-turkey. It was a shorter program than the others she had investigated, but she thought it would suffice, until she could get him into the program that she really wanted.
She related that on the day of his death, she was the last person to speak with Bo. They had spoken on the phone and their conversation had been contentious because she just didn’t have time to deal with him in that moment. She confessed that she was short and curt with him and that his text immediately following their conversation was the last communication found on his phone. He was reported missing but it wasn’t until a month later when his body was found in the woods, where he had died by suicide.
Gail felt empty and broken. She stated that her main goal for the session was to strengthen her belief in the afterlife. Her secondary questions were to understand more about her weaknesses and why she struggled with parenting and caring for the children that she loved so much. She asked to better understand her life purpose and why she lost her beloved son.
After settling into a deep trance state, when directed to a pleasant or neutral past-life, Gail found herself as a male farmer in the country-side of France at about the age of sixty. He was known as Alon to his wife, whom he adored. He knew her as Sophia and he could feel her love and the strong bond between them. Gail recognized Sophia as her mother in her current life. Alon and Sophia had adult children that no longer lived with them and the overall feeling about this life was one of contentment and fulfillment. Alon described moments of heartache – a still birth early in their marriage, but overall, it was a life of working hard and providing for his family and it felt stable and satisfying.
Alon lived to the age of eighty-seven when he died after an illness which made it difficult for him to breathe. Upon crossing over, he was met by a guide named Henry who was familiar and loving. They immediately embarked upon rejoining his/her soul group composed of five other familiar souls. There were members of Gail’s family of origin – a sister and a grandmother and some other familiar people, but not her children in her current life. The qualities that his/her group is currently working on are developing compassion and bettering communication. Gail was aware of near-by cluster groups and felt her ex-husband, Peter and younger son, Daniel in nearby groups.
Soon, she found herself being led up some golden steps into an area with what she described as “higher beings” assembled there. There were six higher beings arranged in a semi-circle raised up on a platform and as she stood before them, she felt them “strengthening” her. Silently, she felt them “taking away” her “fears and doubts and pain” as her face relaxed even more. She absorbed this healing and I could sense something profound was taking place. I gave her some quiet time to experience this and after a few moments she said, “I’m now glowing love. We’re all part of the same. I am light.”
The higher beings then showed her the pre-birth plan before her current life as Gail. She was reminded that she was told ahead of time that she “will be tested” and that she won’t have “a full partner” in raising her children, so she “will have to choose” where she “puts her energy.” But on the heels of that they also showed her “there is no right or wrong choice” – only that she “will have to live with the consequences.” Through this encounter, she gained the insight that it’s more natural for her (soul) to work hard and provide for her family, however, “children also need love and day-to-day care,” she explained.
With this new frame of reference, Gail was able to see her soul-self making the choices about which children would live and die in the famine in Ireland, juxtaposed with her experience as the hard-working farmer/provider in France, combined with her current life as a parent and primary provider. Standing before the higher beings, she was filled with regret at having spent so much energy in her career while trying to placate an abusive ex-husband, at the expense of nurturing her children.
Client (C): I am being shown that I’m learning the consequences of my choices and to become more loving and caring for those that I bring into this world.
Therapist (T): And what do you learn?
C: I could have chosen not to be a parent and a provider – that it’s okay to choose not to do both. This is something I hadn’t realized before. In the presence of the higher beings, I’ve become infused with the knowing that it’s important to learn to love yourself. And that it would have been a loving choice to myself, to not try to do both.
When she asked the higher beings about Bo’s life purpose and his choices, she was shown that he came into the world “needing more” – more love, more care, more time, and more attention. Through this experience, he was learning about dependence on others.
C: Bo’s life and death produced extreme circumstances – making my choices starker and the consequences so dire that they could not be ignored. The prominent lesson is the importance of how to expend my energy and not waste it on those that are not worthy. I need to be giving and loving but not allow myself to be taken advantage of. Bo deserved the love and the giving but Peter didn’t. Peter was taken care of but Bo wasn’t.
In terms of Gail’s life purpose, she discovered that she is learning how to live with the consequences of her actions and how to love herself more, through setting limits with others. She’s learning not to give her power away and to stand up for her choices.
C: I’m being told I must forgive myself. Learn my lessons well – do a better job with Daniel (younger son) and remember it every day. We are all love and joy and peace – deep down when we let go of all the negativity and tap into that love. Don’t let someone else’s negativity permeate you.
Throughout the time with the higher beings she revealed that Bo had been in the background watching.
C: He’s just listening – he’s as handsome as ever. He forgives me. He communicates with me in dreams. He’s there when I’m with Daniel – he’s watching over Daniel.
When she took her leave from the higher beings and descended the golden stairs, she was met by Bo. Tears of joy and relief flooded her face as they embraced for long, serene moments.
C: He’s telling me that spreading his ashes in the volcano did not make it erupt – that it was just a coincidence. He said that I can put the ashes wherever it pleases me and that my feeling guilty doesn’t help him at all. He said he felt just as much guilt, but he let it go.
T: And is there anything else?
C: We’ll see each other when I get back (to the spirit world) and we might try another lifetime that’s a little easier. In the meantime, he’s going to watch over Daniel and I can be in touch with him from time to time.
When Gail came back to ordinary reality in a fully conscious state, she looked like a different woman. The anger and hard edges had melted away, replaced by peaceful wellness. We talked of the ways she would communicate with Bo going forward, now that she no longer feels a great division between them.
Gail had a new level of compassion for her son, Bo, and a new understanding of the importance of compassion for “those you bring into this world.” But she also came back with a new level of compassion for herself. In forgiving herself for her perceived shortcomings as a parent, she is fortified in moving forward.
She left my office not only believing in an afterlife, but having a visceral experience of it. Her life going forward, is forever changed.
Suzanne Campbell, LBL Hypnotherapist
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